


She came back

by damagederudite



Series: Damagederudite's Jeanlyn oneshots [5]
Category: Divergent - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 22:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29000130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damagederudite/pseuds/damagederudite
Summary: A second part of my other work 'Evelyn's... alive?'  as requested by @frostynarrator
Relationships: Evelyn Johnson-Eaton/Jeanine Matthews
Series: Damagederudite's Jeanlyn oneshots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005981
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	She came back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frostynarrator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostynarrator/gifts).



Jeanine holds her pillow close to her chest. She sits in bed, typing away at her laptop and trying to push aside any lingering feelings. It’s better not to feel anything than to feel what she feels right now. What she feels for Evelyn. She might as well be dead - she will never see her again.

The funeral was dark and depressing, she had to hold it together. She needed to make sure that no one could tell how upset she was or it would give her and Evelyn away. Interfaction romance is banned. It certainly wouldn’t go down well. So she composed herself, she held herself to a respectable standard and held back her tears. She held back her tears until she got home and cried like she didn’t know was possible. It didn’t matter that Evelyn was alive, she was dead to her. Not in the angry sense, in the literal sense. That’s what she thought anyway, until tonight. 

The doorbell rings and Jeanine shoots out of bed. She puts on her dressing gown, praying that whoever is at her door is someone that she couldn’t care less about. She doesn’t look the most presentable. She has dark circles under her eyes and her hair is frizzy from falling asleep with it wet the night before. She put it up in a bun for work, a tricky task since her hair only comes up to her breasts. Jeanine has found herself caring about her appearance increasingly less. She applies less makeup, does her hair less, eats more and a week ago she accidentally cut a small chunk of her hair out in a mental breakdown. That made it even harder for her to get it into a bun so it’s certainly an achievement that she can be proud of. If she ever lets herself be proud that is. Evelyn made her proud. She was proud of Evelyn.

She turns the living room light on and moves to her front door. Tucking the fluffy blue material around herself she opens the door. She can’t stop herself from letting out an excited scream when she sees who it is. Evelyn Johnson. She’s back.

“Hello Jeanine.” Evelyn offers her a small smile. “Can I come in?” 

“Of course!” Jeanine steps to one side and ushers Evelyn in. She shuts the door behind her and runs her hands through her messy hair as she surveys her. She has lost weight these past few months. She’s even skinnier again. “Are you okay?” 

Evelyn is distracted, looking around the apartment that she used to spend so many nights in. Her eyes catch the picture of them as teenagers on the wall and her lips curl up into a proper smile for the first time in months. For the first time since she saw Jeanine last. “I needed to see you.” Evelyn whispers. “And I wanted to stay away. I really did because you need to move and get over me, you deserve to move on and get over me, but Jeanine it’s so hard. I’m dying out there, if not physically, mentally.” A tear falls from Evelyn’s eye and she tries to blink it out. “I need you.” she admits.

Jeanine’s heart melts, she pushes aside everything and scopes Evelyn into her arms. She wraps her arms around her and pulls her trembling body close. She can feel her heavy and distressed breathing. “You don’t have to stay away.” She pulls away slightly and cups Evelyn’s tear stained face in her trembling hands. “I am always going to be here for you.” 

“I don’t know why.” Evelyn sobs. “I only cause you pain Jeanine.” 

Jeanine shakes her head. “No.” She rubs her thumb over Evelyn’s trembling lips. “That’s not true.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Shh.” Jeanine wraps her arms around her again. “It’s okay.” She feels how skinny Evelyn is as she rubs circles on her back. She feels a pain in her stomach. Evelyn doesn’t deserve any of this. She pulls away again and guides Evelyn over to the sofa. She sits her down. “Are you hungry?”

Evelyn shakes her head. “I’m fine.” She’s not. She’s starving. She hasn’t eaten in over two days.

“Liar.” Jeanine sits down next to her. “Why won’t you be honest with me?” 

“I don’t want to be a burden.” 

Jeanine’s heart shatters. What has she done to make Evelyn feel like that? Her mind goes into overdrive despite the answer being right there: Marcus. That’s not what Jeanine could think though. She’s not always as logical as people may think. She suffers with crippling anxiety and sometimes that can get the better of her. Sometimes all of her logic is thrown out of the window until she is nothing but a crying and shaking mess. She is always ashamed of herself after but she can’t help it. She needs help, she knows this, but she will never get it. She’s a psychologist, she can handle herself. That’s what she always tells herself but deep down she knows that it’s not true. “Did I do something to make you think you were a burden?” 

Evelyn can immediately sense the anxiety in Jeanine’s voice and it makes her feel horrible. “No, no, of course not. Something to eat would be wonderful Jeanine.” 

“Okay.” Jeanine whispers. She looks at Evelyn repeatedly, her eyes darting back and forth between Evelyn and the door to the kitchen. Evelyn gives her a small smile of encouragement and Jeanine walks to the kitchen. She closes the door behind her, falling against it in a flood of tears. She can’t hold it together. What is wrong with her? Why is she feeling like this? She bites down on her sleeve to stop the scream from coming out. She doesn’t need Evelyn to know what she is doing right now. She has to hold it together for Evelyn, there are no excuses. Evelyn needs her. 

She picks herself up off the floor, her legs trembling and her eyes till full of tears. She slowly approaches the kitchen counter and she flicks the kettle on to make them both a cup of coffee each. Evelyn looks like she could use the energy. She gets two slices of pre sliced bread out of the purple packet and puts it on a plate that she almost smashes as she gets it out of the cupboard, juggling it in a comedic and alarming fashion. She puts it in the toaster and pushes it down. It’s not much, she knows this, but she doesn’t know what else to make her. She isn’t exactly a chef. The toaster pops soon after the kettle has finished boiling. She takes the toast out of the toaster, wincing slightly at the heat, and places it on the white plate. She gets the butter out and butters it lightly, aware that Evelyn isn’t a fan of too much butter.

She takes the toast back into the living room and passes it to Evelyn. “Sorry.” she mutters. “I know it’s not much.” 

“It’s more than enough Jeanine.” Evelyn takes the plate from her and places it on the coffee table. She reaches out and takes hold of Jeanine’s shaking hands. “Thank you.” 

Jeanine softens a little under Evelyn’s touch. “I will go and finish making the coffee.” she says, slowing letting go of Evelyn’s hands. 

She walks back into the kitchen and gets two mugs out of the cupboard. She places them down on the kitchen work surface and picks up the kettle with shaking hands. She begins to pour the water until the first mug but ends up with a bit on her arm. She lets out a small scream of pain and feels her eyes begin to crowd with tears again. She quickly moves her arm to under the tap, running cold water. 

Evelyn must have heard the scream because, before Jeanine knows it, she is beside her. “Show me your arm.” Evelyn demands. Jeanine refuses, she doesn’t want Evelyn to worry. “Show me your arm Jeanine.” she repeats much harsher this time. She knows that Jeanine is stubborn.

Jeanine slowly turns over her arm, revealing red and blistering skin. “I-I'm okay.” she forces out, grimacing in pain. 

Evelyn shakes her head, amazed at this woman’s ability to lie even when it’s so obvious. “You are unreal.” she mutters. “You need to go to the hospital.” 

“What about you? W-Where will you go?” 

“I’ll stay here if that’s what you really want me to do.” Evelyn reassures her. She knows that Jeanine is terrified of her leaving again. 

“O-Okay.” 

Evelyn pulls Jeanine close to her. She helps her get dressed before she watches Jeanine walk to the hospital, freezing cold due to not being able to put her coat on over the burn. She smiles and waves every time Jeanine looks back, ensuring her that she is going absolutely nowhere. 

“Now how did this happen?” the doctor asks, peering over her clipboard and at Jeanine who is currently incredibly uncomfortable. She was made to take her top off so that the doctor would have better access to the burn. 

“I was pouring hot water.” Jeanine replies. 

“Hm.” she studies Jeanine She doesn’t always trust her when it comes to injuries. Jeanine has a history. A history of lying about where she got certain injuries from. At least this time she is actually not lying. “Are you sure?” 

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” Jeanine shoots at her. 

“Okay, whatever you say Jeanine.” 

Jeanine rolls her eyes but she knows that there is no point in arguing with her. What is she going to do? Stamp her feet and scream like a child? No. The doctor is only doing her job. 

Jeanine returns to her apartment with a bright white bandage on her arm. Jeanine shoots up when she hears the door open. Jeanine feels relief wash over her when she sees that Evelyn is still here. “You stayed.” 

“I told you I would.” Evelyn pulls her in for a hug, careful of her arm. “Stop hurting yourself because of me.” she whispers into her hair. She pulls away and forces Jeanine to look at her. “Please, stop.”


End file.
